Colombia... WTF (Volume 1)

Colombia, the inspiration for your kid's favorite Disney movie, Encanto. The only South American country with coastlines on both the Pacific Ocean and Caribbean Sea. And the second most biodiverse country in the world. 

But, after living here for nearly 3 years, there are some things that make me exclaim…

“Colombia… What the F&%k?!

OK, so we don’t talk about Bruno but we do need to talk about these things:

Bro… they don’t flush the toilet paper…

To paraphrase 90s hip hop act House of Pain, “Scrunch it up, fold it in, let us begin…”

Let’s start with the elephant in the bathroom, in Colombia, you don’t flush the ‘dunny roll’ down the toilet.

Nope, now I know what you’re thinking, cause I thought the exact same thing, WTF do you do with it then?!

Well, it's simple, instead of flushing it down the toilet you put it in a bin next to the toilet. (This bin is usually emptied every couple of days.)

The reason for this is that the drains in Colombia are not as large as in other places and will block quickly if people start flushing their toilet paper. Mystery solved. 😛

Zebra crossing, more like a Zebra stampede of death

Pedestrian crossing = A specified part of a road where pedestrians have the right of way to cross.

NOT in Bogota.

If you want to get run over in Bogota simply attempt to use a pedestrian crossing like in New Zealand. Hint - the cars, motorbikes, buses, or trucks will not stop for you. If you’re lucky they may swerve around you but I wouldn’t count on it.

There are dozens of zebra crossings in my neighborhood alone, it's quiet, not a lot of traffic but no one stops for pedestrians here. I still don’t get why they went to the trouble to paint the white lines everywhere when no one follows what I thought were universal road rules for a goddamn pedestrian crossing!

In Colombia, cats have 7 lives, not 9 MEOW!

We all know the famous saying right, cats have 9 lives. If you’ve seen the latest Puss in Boots movie, it confirms this fact… or does it?

The ancient English proverb states - “A cat has nine lives. For three he plays, for three he strays and for the last three he stays.” 🐈‍⬛

Just when I thought all was right with the world, I discovered last week that in Spain and many Latin American countries, cats have 7 lives… WTF?!

Some believe this is due to the number 7 being a magical number which I guess makes sense but I have lived 44 years on this planet confident in the knowledge that cats have 9 lives… as the kids say “I’m shook.”

In conclusion, I don’t know shit

So children, today’s lesson is that I don’t know shit, and when you take a shit in Colombia don’t flush the toilet paper… OK? Cool…

Stay tuned for the next article which will focus on the OMG things about this beautiful country that is Colombia.

Chao pues. ✌️